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At A Glance

Local Restaurant’s New Slogan, “We’ll Treat You like Family,” Likely Responsible for Plummeting Foot Traffic

Transgender Male Sues YWCA, Claiming Lesbian-Only Yoga Classes Taught By Binary Instructors Are an Infringement of Homosexuals’ Civil Rights – WTF?

Flash-forward to 2020: Donald Trump Wins Popular Vote, Loses Electoral Vote – Guess What?

On Last Day of School, Sarah Huckabee Sanders’ Five-Year Old Turned Away at Kindergarten Cafeteria Line – Cafeteria worker, ‘Maxine’ XXXXXX (surname redacted), was heard mumbling repeatedly, “Resist, Harrass, Shame.”

Doctors Swear by ‘Weird’ Trick to Flatten a Bloated Belly – ‘Stop Eating So Much’

In An Attempt to Deflect Obvious Anti-Semitism, NYT Offering Subscriptions for Thirty Shekels A Year

MAGA Hats Surpass Both White Hoods and Swastika as Most Evil Symbol Ever

Unemployed Man Tells His Creditors Not to Worry – He’s Working on a Continuing Resolution

Miley Cyrus Makes Dads the World Over Appreciate the Fact That Their Daughters Are Not Miley Cyrus

Jim Carrey Paints Self-Portrait, and It Ain’t Pretty

‘Unsubscribe’ Link Requires Sign-up For Unsolicited Emails before Activation

Surgeon General Links Gay Sex to Hemorrhoids – This.Changes.Everything.

“Fat Positivity” Model Loses A Deuce, Deuce and a Half – Shunned by Cosmo

Pope Francis, Visiting Ireland, Blames Current Abuse Scandal on the Devil…Devil Responds From the Vatican, “No shit, Frank.”

Hip-Hop Music Videos Confirm That All Rappers Suffer From Chronic Bladder Infections

Community Organizer Loses His Address Book Again

Man Arrested For Thinking Wrong Thing

Man Who Hasn’t Paid Any of His Bills In Over A Year Is ‘Pre-Approved’ For $50,000 Line of Credit

High School Dropout Makes a Living by Repeatedly Switching Car Insurance Companies

99.9% of Bacteria Blames the Top .1%

Out of an ‘Abundance of Caution,’ Mass Recall of Kraft Cheez-Whiz Rumored, For Obvious Reasons

‘Coexist’ Sticker Refuses to Share Bumper with ‘Trump 2020’

To Prove You Are Not a Robot, Find Waldo

Man Invests In Blow Torch, Chain Saw to Open New Tamper Resistant Packaging

Bible Signed by Trump Placed on Bookshelf In Between Hillary Clinton’s ‘Proper Handling of Top Secret Documents: A Tutorial,’ And George W. Bush’s ‘Mastering the English Language’

Beto O’Rourke Accidently Knocks Out Wife during Announcement of Presidential Aspirations