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Dick’s Sporting Goods to Remove All Products That Could Potentially Be Used as Weapons

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“Discontinuing guns, ammo, and all hunting related products was just the beginning,” warned Lauren Hobart, Dick’s President/CEO.  “Knives, bows and arrows, air guns and slingshots are also on the chopping block, soon to be followed by baseball bats, tent stakes, badminton and tennis rackets, golf clubs, bowling balls, hockey and lacrosse sticks, darts, croquet mallets, ping pong paddles…well, you get the idea,” continued Hobart.  Hobart also revealed the company’s name change, which will now be  Dick’s Yoga Goods.  “We plan to achieve market dominance in yoga mats and stretch pants.”