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Culture

Facebook Bans Franklin Graham for Hate Speech

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As punishment for daring to defend traditional marriage, the son of the late Rev. Billy Graham has been banished from Facebook and placed in pillory stocks outside Facebook headquarters, where he will remain for forty days.  The original sentence passed down by Facebook elders was for sixty days ‘in the hole’ but it was determined that timeframe would overlap with the ‘Facebook Awards’ gala honoring Mark Zuckerberg for his unyielding defense of ‘honesty in social media’ (russian hacking and citizen spying notwithstanding).  Visitors to Facebook’s corporate offices are encouraged to mock Graham mercilessly while they can, pelting him with rotten fruits and vegetables (BYORF&V).  After his forty days, Graham will be subjected to a ‘hate trial,’ whereupon he will be laden with a millstone and dropped into the San Francisco Bay.  If he sinks, he is innocent.  If he floats, however, he is deemed guilty and will be taunted a second time.