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Culture

Satan Sets Up Shop Next to Santa Claus at Local Mall

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To promote freedom of religious expression, the Gehenna Springs Mall (corner of Perdition Road and State Highway 666) has leased space to the Church of Satan for the Holiday Season.  Part-time mall janitor, Howard Levy, is playing the part of Baphomet, the demonic-horned goat that has come to epitomize satanic worship.  With serpents slithering from his nostrils and sporting six-inch fingernails, Mr. Levy appears to be well versed as a method actor.  The holiday display comes complete with a reverse pentagram, an eternal inferno, a tree of good and evil, and, of course, the sweetest apples ever tasted. 

Few shoppers have visited the ‘Devil’s Workshop,’ however, likely due to the horrific stench of rotting flesh.  One young mother, eyeing the long lines to see Santa, implored her screaming four-year old to opt for the devil.  “Danny, why don’t you want to sit on Satan’s lap?  He’s not so scary.”  Once Danny obliged, others followed, and the gate that led to the display became wide and the road, easily travelled.