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Facing a Potential Forty-Year Prison Sentence, Lori Loughlin Has To Bribe Herself to Accept Plea Deal

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Oblivious to the possibility that she did anything wrong, Lori Loughlin initially refused to accept a plea deal offered by prosecutors in the wake of her involvement in a massive college admissions scandal.  “I just did what any mom worth $50 million would do,” lamented Ms. Loughlin.  “It’s no different than donating money for a library or an athletic field,” Loughlin equivocated (except that it’s completely different than donating money for a library or an athletic field, because she didn’t donate money for a library or an athletic field, she bribed USC college officials with a half-million dollars to admit her daughters to the university under false pretenses). 

During pre-trial motions, Loughlin reportedly offered the presiding judge naming rights to the new USC Law School, and an extra $100 grand for his troubles, if he could just bring himself to see things the way an entitled, narcissistic actress sees them.  When brought up on these new charges of bribery, Loughlin argued that she wasn’t bribing the judge, just “contributing to a good cause.” 

Now facing the reality of even more jail time, she is finally getting the picture, although she continues to use the same ‘modus operandi.’  Lori has essentially taken to bribing herself by anonymously sending herself a half-million dollars, a photo shopped picture of herself in prison blues, and a fake rap sheet with her name on it.  That seemed to do the trick because she is now in a much more compliant frame of mind and will likely accept any deal offered.