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Greta Thunberg’s San Francisco Mural a Threat to Life as We Know It

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Upon learning that the aerosol paint used in a six-story mural of herself has reduced the earth’s life expectancy by a few weeks, sixteen year-old climate expert, Greta Thunberg, has decided to retire from her activism and focus more attention on staring at her own face on the giant mural near downtown San Francisco.  “How dare I,” Ms. Thunberg chastised herself.  “I promise to make sure that none of the deleterious gases escape into the atmosphere.”  In a sign of solidarity, an estimated 50,000 students from all San Francisco school districts will be skipping school every Friday to sit and watch with Greta, not that the truancy matters, however, as teachers are likely to be on strike anyway. 

But the big question is, now, who will fill the petroleum based sneakers of the world’s puerile global warming conscience?  Not to worry…It appears that the climate-change-expert torch has now been passed on to five year old Michael Mann III, who “possesses a keen understanding of anthropogenic climate science, thermal capacity, the magnetic field and ocean currents,” at least according to his grandfather, a climate scientist himself, as well as a hockey aficionado.  “The science is weal, and I am here to speak twoof to powa,” exclaimed Mikey, still struggling with a minor speech impediment that should resolve itself by the time he hits puberty.  Like Greta, Mikey, as the new adolescent pied piper of climate change, has vowed to abandon all carbon based modes of transportation and instead will rely solely on his tricycle as he makes appearances all over the globe.