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Hunter Biden Reportedly “Working On New Business Ventures”

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The wayward son of former Vice President Joe Biden is currently in between jobs and his prospects do not look so good.  Highlights of Hunter Biden’s resume now include:  “fathered a child with a stripper from Arkansas while dating my dead brother’s wife”; “discharged from the Naval Reserve for cocaine use only one month after my commission”; “a card carrying member of Ashley Madison, the extra-marital affair website;” and “seven stints in rehab.”  

“Every family has its problems,” lamented Hunter, after he admitted to blowing ‘six figures’ (at least) on drugs and prostitutes, not to mention having a gun pointed to his head during a crack buy gone wrong.  In defense of his shady dealings in Ukraine, the younger Biden declared, ”Trump should be impeached for withholding funds from a foreign entity for personal benefit but I categorically deny any wrongdoing on my part, or on the part of my father, for receiving funds from a foreign entity for personal benefit.  Daddy had nothing to do with me getting a job with a foreign company paying $50,000 a month; it was granted solely on the strength of my resume as a fraudulent, philandering drug addict, and my one-month service in the military.” 

The mainstream media, leaning so far left that they may never be able to stand up straight ever again, has rushed to Hunter’s defense, proclaiming, “…the children of politicians should always be off limits (except Barron Trump).  Ridiculing Hunter Biden is reprehensible beyond the pale.  Under no circumstances should the fifty-year old little boy of any politician be dragged into the mudslinging of American politics.” 

It has been reported that, if Joe Biden wins the Presidency, he plans to offer his son the job of ‘Presidential Ethics Czar,” a position previously held by the likes of Ray Nagin, Kwame Kilpatrick, and ‘Boss’ Tweed.  To pass the time until his new gig starts, Hunter has resorted to sending out ‘Nigerian’ scam emails to a massive block of ‘gmail’, ‘yahoo’, and ‘hotmail’ accounts that he purchased in bulk from his father’s email database.